my heart is an open palm, exposed and raw
In my land of bright lights you are effervescent -
Overwhelming at once, I am oblivious the next.
You are the palpable product of words I never meant,
Of clouded judgement, infinite dreams; my sweet Regret.
My conscience weighs you down and embeds you
Somewhere in the murky depths of this sepulchral soul.
Yet there is little want of redemption for what I do,
And you and your kind maketh the stories I never told.
Even now I would sing that I am yours, Yours!
As I believe you are mine in all your tainted forms.
Sucker as I am for your taste, touch and allure,
The beauty of folly is not weeping when all else mourns.
So this is an ode to my ill-fated penchant for
Secrets I have to keep, and everything that
I loved to hold but not to possess.
That I wish to forget, but forget to regret.
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
wellwell i cooked pasta for dinner today! with mommy of course and nope, it wasn't instant pasta! from scratch, so beat that! :)
lemme see i feel like blogging differently so i shall try varying the length of my sentences hur hur.
hao jin's house tomorrow for econs project.
i'm worried, homework's a mountain and r-paper's beckoning.
mom's not helping by asking me to study everyday.
well
i'm feeling fat but i couldnt run today because of the stupid rain but i won't be saying this later
because sleeping during a downpour's jes lovelay :))
alrighty mommy's complaining gotta run. told ya she's irritating me.
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8:58 AM;
Sunday, November 27, 2005
you know after much pondering, i conclude that what i would like to have in life is really very simple- happiness. as cliched as it sounds, i really feel like i can live on happiness. as in a '24/7 high' on euphoria. okay maybe not that exaggerated. happiness from the simple things in life. like the way someone can get you all chummy inside, unlike any other. or how mommy makes the best pies in the world and how lucky you are to have her as your very own. basically, the high life's just too tedious to maintain, and being simple and neat is so much more sensible. i'm trying to cut down on the materialism and focus on what matters. sure it's great having prada, balenciaga and what not but still one can't live on it eh. i've come to appreciate and value the warmness and reliability a loving family can provide :) so yup my life's goal should be on how to build up a happy family. it's not as simple as i make it sound really. building a happy family entails financial stability, a roof over your head and well, decent clothes? as retarded as i (think i) sound, it makes perfect sense to me. but that really isn't my point. the question is: when all's taken away, what then is the sustaining element? i honestly have no inkling but as far as my almost-mature-seventeen-year-old-cranium can tell me, it probably is learning how to be grateful for whatever you have no matter how mediocre it may seem. most of all, i think the crucial thing is to be grateful for the ones who love you :)
ha ha there, i don't know i jes felt like writing that. that's kinda out-of-character huh? pardon the simplistic language i really am bummed out. this is blogging after all. who needs grandiloquence.
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7:52 AM;
Friday, November 25, 2005
my headaches are tormenting me again sigh. feeling lethargic and headachey now. i need exercise, so tomorrow morning it's off to run again! swimming's really bad for me because my skin's so sensitive the pool water's damn bad for it. which explains the condition of my skin now- ghastly. went to swim on wednesday and damn it was good. ha ha i changed my mind the following morning. haven't exercised since wed, so tomorrow i'll have to get up by hook or by crook.
WHY IS GARY OUT OF SURVIVOR! shite man i liked him! i think he's cool and that blardy stephanie should jes shut the hell up, she thinks she's some bloody goddess or something. and seriously, judd should get his fat ass outta the game. obviously they think Gary's a good player that's why they voted him out. lydia's getting on my nerves too sheesh. no gary, no survivor :(
watched cherlynn's korean show today. it's really sweet, second show that got my tearing. it's something like the notebook, what with alzheimer's disease and the like. touching, nevertheless. sigh sometimes i wish i dont live in singapore, but i dont wish to live in africa too :)
okie dokes headachey again ciao.
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7:02 AM;
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
ohmagad, someone with a truly beautiful soul has agreed to buy me my juicy bag!!!!!!! EGADS i love that person to bittybits!!!!!! i MEAN every word. OH MAN i still cant believe how blessed i am!!! goshgoshgosh im trying hard not to hyperventilate or something now.
THANK YOU LORD :)
now tell me, which one should i get. (ahem but it also depends on stock, darn)
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8:05 AM;
Monday, November 21, 2005
feeling accomplished! i've completed everything that i set out to do so yipeee for me! ran for about half an hour i think. yeah yeah i know it's not much, but it's my first day of exercise after a long period of dormancy :D then i didnt get to catch up on my sleep so that's the only thing i didnt do. weird huh. met mommy for lunch at that jap place. ate kwite a lot but most of it was like soba sauce hurhur. i had that cold somen + udon + soba thingy which came in little pots. how quaint. it relly aint a lot. so ya mommy ordered MORE. nevermind i aint eating anything for the rest of today so that makes one meal today! YAY today's going fantastically well! HURHUR you could make it better for me by telling me you're getting me that gorgeous baby for christmas/my birthday/or jes because ur too rich and too nice :D sigh im so silly.
im going to iron clothes later! it really is kinda therapeutic you know. try it all you undomesticated people HMPH.
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2:12 AM;
Sunday, November 20, 2005
anyways all i want for christmas is THIS :D
hurhur great way to get into my good books man. its so GORGEOUS ain't she a baby? :)
I WANT I WANT I WAAAAANT.
there aint nothin juicy cant fix, especially a depressed girl. hurhur.
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9:29 AM;
hairy potty was rather nice, better than expected but it would have been better i fmore quidditch was shown. AND CEDRIC DIGGORY WAS HAWT STUFF GAWWWSH :D:D drool man.
well plans for tomorrow: wake up relatively early to run then head back to catch up on more sleep. then its lunch with the parentals followed by starbucks with me and my books :) sounds like a plan eh.
ooooh daddy jes brought home two ty bears for me. what a pleasant surprise. and i jes indulged in tako pachi and a lot of tori q all thanks to mom. owells today's the last day already. i really feel rather sick, kinda like that 'heart pain' feeling you get from eating too much good food.
yawn think im turning in. night world :)
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9:10 AM;
Saturday, November 19, 2005
christmas came early. in the form of a crumpler. sometimes i jes gotta love my mom :) gee i sound so materialistic.
anyways linner (lunch + dinner) was damn fattening. nydc with mom saw us walloping a goldmine something which is actually cheesecake topped with chocolate and oreo base with double choc ice cream and choc chips EGADS, bratwurst pizza with loadsa mushrooms and a oven baked chicken green peppers something. gosh i jes had to give in to temptation. who the heck can resist nydc. now i feel like some ugly cake. hurr.
im sleepy and somehow i feel like ironing clothes HAHA the sun must be rising now :D (for ur info it is currently 11:27 pm)
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7:22 AM;
Friday, November 18, 2005
i feel so detached from whatever beliefs that i've been clinging on to since as far as i can remember. i'm slipping into that phase again, sigh. ha ha timmy wants to type something he keeps pawing the keyboard. and he stinks i shall bathe him tomorrow. anyways back to what i wanted to say. i hardly have the mood to do anything nowadays. mei was saying that i keep going home, even after pw was over. well for one i do like stoning at home because it's mindless and i love all things mindless. secondly, my favourite place in the world a.k.a my bed is at home, and thirdly i jes don't see the point of going out when all i do is yawn and regret coming out. i dont feel like shopping much anymore. i'm not even looking forward to christmas shopping.
last night i was chilling in my room listening to sappy songs with only a bed side lamp turned on and reading something. suddenly i felt like sucha rosemary. i keep reading and watching 'rosemary' type of books and show of late. to name some, wicker park (?!) , summer sisters (??!!)????? beats me.
mom wants me to go shopping with her (for her make up mind you) and obviously im not going, in the light of my previous paragraphs. besides, i'll have to lug my guitar around because there's moosik prac tonight. i ain't in the mood for some commuter/pedestrian jabbing today. i dont feel like sleeping anymore too heck i dont feel like anything, not even my integration.
on a lighter note while i was having my cereal this morning timmy brought his food beside the dining table and started having breakfast beside me. everybody say 'AWWWWWW'.
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9:05 PM;
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6:12 AM;
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMGOSSHHHHHH i can't believe he's my dog. AWWWWWWWWWW.
hurr so cute laaarr. that's timmy trying to make his bed.
my baby and love of my life <3<3<3
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5:51 AM;
Thursday, November 17, 2005
woots jes cleaned my baby dog up smelling nice and clean now!
gaaaaaaaaaawsh im sooo annoyed now because there's this chanting thingy going on downstairs. i know i know, respect the dead. but helloooo at this time? it's kinda disturbing too. not in the freakish way but the 'ARGH SHUT THE HELL UP' way. ogay im not being 'religion-ist' here (think racist) jes that it really aint the time to be chanting now people. no cow sense at all sheesh.
jamming this morning at joy's place. twas damn funny, my classmates are jes.. indescribable. feeling sick these few days dont know why. i think i'm on overdrive for too long so im jes gonna take it slowly from now. reading my books at home with timmy on my lap is the perfect theraphy.
my hump my hump, my hump my hump my hump :D:D
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4:22 AM;
Monday, November 14, 2005
lovely dinner with hwei and family last night, not forgetting her hilarious sister :) ha ha now i understand why she's the only friend i know that loves her sibling.
watched 'slap her she's french!' today. what can i say? typical chick-flick, with booby babes that look like they've got a boob job at the age of seventeen. let's jes say thank God i live in singapore? >:D
brought timmy to pet safari later in the afternoon. got him all cleaned up and trimmed now he smells better than i do. oh gosh i do love my dog so much. ha ha. got this supa-de-dupa expensive dog wipes and a comb that costs seventeen buckeroos for him. its supposed to remove ticks and odour so it'd better be worth it. ha ha i can forgo my lunch money for my poochie. TIMMY KICKS ASS <3<3
lunch was at waffletown with mommy. twas alright la i mean what can you expect. saw vj people that i didnt know but i bet they didnt know im from vj too. yes i'm that inconspicuous (and lovin' it).
sentosa tomorrow with the class. FOUR HOUR lecture on wednesday (oh God where art thou?). jamming session on thurs again. this reminds me i'd better go practice my guitar soon. heh.
oh timmy's sleeping behind me!!! shit where's the cam he looks absolutely adorable <3<3<3<3<3<3<3
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3:44 AM;
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
random thoughts:
- OP: fergeddit it.
- Tab tv's interesting
- I need to lose weight
- But that kit kat peanut butter bar looks yummilicious
- No you had olive rice for lunch woman
- Where is Ms Tham! And i cant find my GPP softcopy UGH.
- VJ 156 rocksyourfunkehsocks.
- I wanna watch stepford wives!
- Timmy's a darling <3
- Mom wants to get us a new pup! :D:D:D
- Which breed should i get?
- Hmm i think i shall name it ralph :)
- ...........
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6:53 AM;
Friday, November 04, 2005
oh my goodness i jes cried my eyes out so bad im afraid i wont be able to see tmw lol. THE NOTEBOOK IS SOOOOOOOOOO SWEET!!!! ohmy ohmy ohmy, i'm never getting married until i find someone like that ok. i was practically bawling my way thru the whole show. sigh and that actress is so preddy!! i likeeee (uh oh lesbian tendencies again).
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6:35 AM;
yay! im bumming around again! movie marathon started two hours ago i think. finished princess diaries 2. yes i know, what an air head. but it actually is rather sweet despite the lack of realism. oh but damn cool la her wardrobe. and that cuteee guy :D
they didn't have crazy beautiful nor did they have cruel intentions. ah shall try my luck another time. got girl with the pearl earring, wimbledon, the notebook, wicker park and the stepford wives. i skipped american pie because they didnt have the first one so im gonna wait till they get it then watch the whole thing. so everybodies, do recommend some good movies kay?
i love bumming around! :)
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1:49 AM;
Thursday, November 03, 2005
heh im proud to say that everything i ate today has been fat free! well, almost. if you don't count my goober with bread for brekkie -cheesygrin- but hey its a good start aight.
ooh timmy's sitting on my lap now looking like sucha darling! (heh mandatory sentence on timmy again)
watched alexander today! its rather booring towards the end. i liked the fighting scenes most of all. see i told you im weird. kwite cool what, you know they look like they're dead and dying and all but you know its all a movie. kinda like 'HAHA I KNOW YOU'RE LYING' that kinda thing. and when they film men dying i have no reaction. rather i scream when i see the horses get shot by arrows. see im a true blue animal welfare soc member :D
now im left with cold mountain. watching it with mom in like fifteen minutes i think. (ohh timmy's shifting himself and his nails are hurting me. ow.) gonna return them all tomorrow and then i shall have new movies to watch. have decided on wicker park, crazy beautiful, talented mr ripley, and um..any suggestions?
phoonie enlightened me on the truth behind the skeleton key, and damn they're devious. oh shit tata young jes came on my itunes, gotta change it EW. why's she even on my playlist in the first place?!
ogay mommy's calling. nicole kidman, DROOL :D:D
*yanibunny: ha ha i personally think she's fugly (oops) but some of the clothes are yummy!*
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7:19 AM;
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
omgoodness am i the pudge or what. im so frickin fat already i tak boleh tahan anymore. mommy keeps bringing me for good lunches and dinners, and that shall not do! i'll be piling on the kilos like no tommorrow man. shitness, im so going running tomorrow morning. DAMNIT WHY CANT I BE BORN WITH JESSICA ALBA'S BOD. hurrrr. wait, on second thought, if i were born with her bod as a baby, EW. that'll be one freaky phenomenon rofl.
timmy has been sucha sweet boy, i love my doggie!
i want clothes, clothes, clothes! you know if i dont find another bag by the end of this month, im heading to juicy for sure. i also tak boleh tahan this already. im sucha brat. you know why im typing so compulsively, its da moosik im tellin ya. listening to mr jones now and its thumping hard so my fingers are thumpin hard too. yadayada yeah like whatever cheryl.
watched drumline jes now, kwite cool but i wont say it's as nice as yanibunny said so. i dunno, im weird i like war movies :)
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5:25 AM;
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
har-har, to all of you who tagged.
jes finished watching monster-in-law. mommy and i went mad at the video-ezy shop that jes opened. hurhur we rented six movies and i forsee manymany more late nights with timmy at our feet :D i love the hols! if not for pw tmw i'd be watching ms congeniality 2 now. oh oh! and i wanna borrow sex and the city too. the clooothessss *drool*!
and for those of you who are wondering, i don't hate j-lo all that much anymore. i still think she looks like a maid, but she does looks preddy too (sometimes, heh). i've grown out of my childish 'EEK DIE J-LO!' phase, guess cuz that part of my life's over too. well, not quite but you get what i mean. (uh, do you?)
today was pleasant i guess. kinda memorised my script already but its still not perfected yet. tomorrow's gonna be a loooong day. i wanna bum around at home the whole day watching moovies! ughh die pw! im addicted to watching movies. im tellin ya its so much more worth it renting em, i paid 24 buckeroos for 6 movies. that's like dirt cheap compared to the rip-off 8.50 for one miserable ticket. and i prefer the comfort of my own couch than that cramped up space they let you sit in. besides i have all the junk food in the world at home! beats popcorn anytime eh.
yikes back to scripting!
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8:30 AM;